TʜᴇʀᴀᴘʏGⒶʀʏ⁽ᵗʰᵉʸ‘ᵗʰᵉᵐ⁾

Being a bodyless head with a freak long tongue is not only okay—it can be an exciting opportunity

  • 15 Posts
  • 100 Comments
Joined 6 months ago
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Cake day: August 23rd, 2024

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  • Thanks for responding! I hope you have the patience to help me understand a bit more. :)

    Of course! Thanks for asking and being open ☺

    E.g. in academia (at least in my country) we tend to talk about authors of a particular paper as “they” whether they are one, several, male, female etc, even if you know their gender. It is consided respectful, unassuming and inclusive.

    Yeah I think this is totally normal and okay, but if the particular paper in question, e.g., is about gender, and the author writes about their unique gender, I think it would be inappropriate/disrespectful to not use their preferred pronouns°

    Do you think it is disrespectful to e.g. say “I love my partner, they bought me legos for christmas” when talking about my spouse to a colleague even I know she’s female? Where my motivation is to not have gender in the conversation?

    It definitely depends on the person and the culture. Some people, cis or not, feel a strong internal sense of their gender, and may feel misrepresented when referred to with neutral pronouns. (Further reading °if I were writing a paper and referenced this author, I would be sure to use Their preferred pronouns, because Their pronouns are known and relevant (They/Them, Capitalized))

    I’m quite queer and have facial hair, so when I refer to my partner with neutral pronouns, people assume she’s a man, and then she has an uncomfortable first interaction with those people when they meet her, and wonders if I’m embarrassed to be in a relationship with a woman.

    Personally, if I hear someone specific being referred to with they/them pronouns when their preferred pronouns ought to be known, I assume they’re non-binary, trans, or at least some sort of queer


    Ultimately, ‘they/them’ pronouns aren’t entirely neutral. Those pronouns imply personhood, can strip away identity from some, and are an identity for others


  • Understandable, but

    Not misgendering. It is how people have always talked about someone when the gender is either unknown, irrelevant, or hard to assume

    Your later comment suggests you have a particular user in mind, in which case that user’s pronouns are known, relevant, and require no assumption.

    I am respecting a site or community’s rule that this is not the case on their space, but it’s such a deviation from the norm that I want it to be clear.

    It should be about respecting the individual(/system/thing), not just respecting a rule?

    I was trying to ask if it fell more on “honest mistake, but not allowed” or “assumed to be an intentional transphobic trangression”.

    It doesn’t sound like an honest mistake. Maybe it was from the user you mentioned who got banned, but it sounds like you’re trying to see if it’s okay for you to do it on purpose.

    But maybe I’m misunderstanding! I would like to be