This hit me like a week ago. I straight up panicked. I still kinda am. I don’t know what to do. I’m fucking terrified. How do you learn how to be a girl in your forties? I don’t even know how to do makeup, every time I tried it looked like shit.
I thought I was a femboy. A kinky weird femboy with a supportive girlfriend that didn’t mind the occasional dressing up. This is probably way too much for her. I think it’s too much for me. But now that I know this I can’t not know it. It’s like my subconscious just came out of nowhere and was like, “Hey you know that quirky thing about you? Well it turns out that’s entirely you, and you’re miserable trying to deny it. By the way everything in your experience tells you that people will hate you for it, and the state is actively trying to harm people like you. Also crazy people will probably want to kill you about it Byeeeeeeee!”
What do?
At least now you know what has been eating you for so long. Like Morpheus said to Neo in the movie The Matrix:
Neo: I can’t go back, can I? Morpheus: No. But if you could, would you really want to?
You can’t unlearn it, it would only hurt you more trying to pretend like nothing has changed. I hope the people in your life will support you through this.