Yikes sorry to hear that. My polycule isn’t “led”. I’m one of two cis males but we’re both bi and aren’t romanticly involved. There are no cis women in my polycule but a couple of nonbinary beans. I suppose one of the nonbinary beans makes the financial decisions so they lead in that regard but we mostly have intersecting hobbies. I do have a girlfriend everyone is aware of but she’s not really involved in the polycule and only really interested in me.

But the feeling of “I can do better” usually means giving up your current relationship to support the next one. With healthy ethical non-monogamy the polycule tends to help you get the relationships you want to be involved with. But it appears this is just my experience.