I’m still angry about that person from a couple days back who doesn’t preheat their oven

I’ll definitely have to try, lol. Green pants are just so hard to pair with other colors. Maybe a deep blue?

This one time, I showed up to work in a pair of green slacks and a white dress shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbow. A friend of mine sees me that morning and the first thing he says is “You’re dressed exactly like Peter Griffin.”

It was easily the most devastating sentence anyone has ever spoken to me. I haven’t worn those pants since.

As a licensed rapturologist I can verify that rapture events do leave stains on organic material. It’s the same miraculo-chemical process that burns Jesus’ face into the toast of true believers.

That’s a tough one. I want to be considerate, but I ain’t trying to raise 1,500 to 10,000 quarter-guppy children.

I think I would have to make like a salmon, fertilize the eggs as best I can, and then slowly wither away and die

Bottom-half fish. I’ve seen The Lighthouse like eight times. I’m ready for the mermussy.

Checks out

Hey guys I found one

It’s about 3 Hiroshima Bombs long

My favorite Kanye East track is probably “Skinhead”

Wow that sure looks expensive

I’m at the McDonald’s. I’m at the Burger8dot. I’m at the combination McDonald’s and Burger8dot.

Salvia-type meme

Drop out of school

Change name

Move to another country

Belgium?

Sounds like a musk fetish to me. No shame ofc. Get that stink

It’s been years. How could you?

N/A

…

Fuck.

I think that either

a. The portal maintains itself via energy supplied remotely by the portal gun or

b. Once created, a portal does not require energy to exist. It’s simply an anomaly in space-time. A strange loophole whereby one location is closer to another location that it’s supposed to be or

c. The portal runs on chuckle-power generated by Cave Johnson’s witticisms

I think the idea that the portal generates infinite energy is too complicating and problematic to be assumed.