They closed all the launch sites in Utah? They built the fuckin minuteman there

what if the skeleton has a banana?

DON’T FORGET THIS BROTHER AROOOOO

Next time I commit election fraud I’m going to release thousands upon thousands of wood beetles upon the ballot box that’ll show em

Privilege-to-pee things

My brother in christ

I remember having to pay to call my girlfriend two cities over in the 90s. Like, let’s get real.

I could lay down on the tracks, right?

Don’t forget a second, more badass fight song

If I’m paying that much I better get a smooch on the forehead

real talk they have been trying to talk my argentine mormon aunt into giving up her matcha and it just makes her laugh

nah bubble tea is fine because it’s trendy

also by shaking the treats

state university!

sassage (ﾐዕᆽዕﾐ)

oh hey I know your dad’s friend in college. small world.

yes they do?

I was on a flight where the parents of a one year old brought a big bag of those cheap yellow and red ear plugs and just started passing them around the cabin. We amazingly didn’t need them, but I have never forgotten that gesture. I’m pretty sure the flight attendants gave them all the drinks they wanted just for that.

what about a lot