KingJalopy

Young. Hanging out in my cousin’s pool during a party and a girl said I had sexy eyes. Then someone said oh yeah then lick them. She said absolutely but I was like no until drunk people started offering money.

Then she licked my eye. It was kinda hot actually. Then we made out. With mouths.

I once got paid $100 to let a girl lick my eyeball.

Worth it.

Well, there’s your problem…

When I married my wife almost 15 years ago my mother-in-law gave me a shirt that said game over with a happy bride stick figure and a very sad groom figure so I took that shirt and I wrote a :-) over the guy’s :-( and I wore that shit under my tuxedo and as soon as the wedding was over I opened my jacket and walked around with that shirt proudly for the rest of the night. Yeah game over, I won.

Stand back, fellas, I’m lactose intolerant. I got this.

I pronounce it “pee na lope” because of the movie Club Dread lol

Looks like Trump

Have you actually tried calling the police on your depression?

Everything is. Even this comment.

Snek no want lern

Oh shit, I’m talking to a famous person! Your famous is what you are. I bet you get sa lot of dates!

Unless you’re sleeping with them. Then it’s fishes.

You said I could!

Hey she’s hot there’s nothing wrong with wanting that

I’m from Oklahoma but I don’t get it

And humans!

They know

Pretty sure Trump lives in Florida so really it’s right there where it should be…

America a bottom, but that’s obvious to everyone in the world except is Americans.

The true autists outnumber is by far, it would be gone in seconds.