If my kid ever feels like this, I am going to be angry, and have a LOT of questions. Mostly in a very pissed off tone.

…I don’t have kids, and the last time someone COULD HAVE potentially gotten pregnant from me and kept it secret would have been 2006. But I’m 99.9% sure I don’t have kids.

So if I found out I have a kid, I would be confuuuuuuused.

Can I pick neither? I’m more of a Barqs man.

AAAAAHHHHHH!!!

keeps running

Hey big boy! Is that a phone in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?

…oh, it’s a phone? Oh, it’s ringing. Yeah, you should answer that…

runs away nervously

Hey, if it works, it works. A big power swinger that makes contact 1/10 times, but strikes out 9/10 times is less of a team asset than a small speedy little guy who never swings and gets on base 10/10 times.

Hell, half the time with smart base running, stealing 2nd is a freebie.

Isn’t Albany in NY? Or does Ohio have one too?

…Lakewood?