I swear I’m not Jessica

blahaj.zone account for @TotallynotJessica@lemmy.world

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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: October 30th, 2024

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  • I’ve played the shit out of GTA 5 and good amount of RDR2, yet I can’t get excited for 6 either. Part of it is no PC version and no hope of online mode even being an option on Linux, but I also think that their game design is outdated and late for this era in a number of ways.

    Our current politics are less conducive to GTA’s simultaneous promotion of capitalism and cultural satire of America. We’re in an unacknowledged depression that is rapidly taking away the accessibility of gaming. A lot of the coolest tech that Rockstar has is locked away under patents, making most of its advancements meaningless to the rest of the industry. I just don’t feel attached to the setting and it’s coming out at a time in my life where I’m less interested in playing that sort of game. I played GTA 5 on launch and was absolutely blown away by it, but that won’t happen this time around. I might play it in half a decade when it’s been long ported to PC, but like RDR2, I’ll only appreciate its merits and not its hype.



















  • It was less so tied to femininity and more so tied to realizing I was queer. It was a gateway to so many things I needed to learn about myself, from being trans to being poly. Breaking the cishet illusion totally changed the game for me, and while it sucks that the process was such a process, I’m happy to know what I know now.

    For the time being, while I do think trying men would be fun, I have little interest in seeking them out. I’m far more attracted to women and femmes, plus I don’t have much interest in seeking any relationships with men in particular. I like spending time with women more and don’t feel pressured to hang out with guys like I used to. I’m currently content with leaving the possibility open, but I would never go out of my way for it. If it happens it happens.

    Making a platonic relationship intimate is absolutely a vibe. Part of it is making a deep relationship even deeper, and part of it is the thrill of testing that relationship. That said, it is inherently risky, and I know how much those situations can fuck you up.

    Also, 19 is a great age to start. I didn’t even think suspect I might be trans until around that age



  • Honestly...

    I’m kinda jelly that you got an experience like that, and not just because that’s such a juicy situation. That sort of wake-up call just isn’t something I ever got. I stumbled around for years, at first not realizing that I wasn’t actually “correct,” then not being sure if it was actually real. I never got a single opportunity to experience femininity and barely got to explore my attraction to men. Being really into women only made it more difficult, as it helped me keep up the delusion that I was just a basic cishet. If I actually got an opportunity to experiment like that without immediately needing to acknowledge that it wasn’t so normal, maybe I could’ve started my journey of self discovery sooner.

    Then again, I literally admitted that I wanted to fuck my friend and somehow didn’t realize I liked him until years later, so maybe it wouldn’t have actually helped my clueless ass.