Bleeping Lobster

My dad is a pensioner now, and got put in a lovely bungalow by local housing association. It came with with a lovely garden, and he was really excited by the prospect of a cherry tree.

Well, the cherries are ready, and the birds ate the lot!

Bet you were wondering wtf was so wise about that wise man.

“I bring you Frankincense!”

“I bring you gold!”

“I bring you carrots, herp derp”

Stop ruining my jokes with additional info, damn it!

My first thought after laughing at this was… “wtf even IS myyrh, anyway?”

a fragrant gum resin obtained from certain trees and used

Cheap fucking bastard gave the baby Jesus chewing gum.

DO NOT DO THIS fucking hell. Just nearly broke my thumb ligament. That did not feel good. Do not be an idiot, like me.

I’m getting a similar series of messages from tinder.

Got one match, went on one date, she’s awesome, prob going to delete tinder. But in the meantime it’s pestering me twice daily reminding me I’ve not opened the app since

It means accidentally putting people in line of fire

Ook.

Pac-Man: Faces of Meth edition

That is an absolutely cursed image, well done

I will never not laugh at the bong scene, the little echo he does haha.

This trope (the baddie is down, let’s run away) has frustrated the heck out of me for as long as I can remember. If I was facing a murderous loon and I had successfully taken them down, I would be making sure they don’t get back up again. That would be reasonable force against someone trying to kill you, surely.

Ah but you’re not taking into account:

A) very, very scary mask

B) there’s more than one of them

I think they were all just curious about what OPs room looked like / what he does in there all the time, and that room mate was either the one who volunteered or the one who lost the bet

They ran him over

If you made this meme from the UK, you should know… the cars don’t actually have to stop for us, unless we are already out on the crossing. So if someone stops to allow us to cross, a thumbs up is a good way to acknowledge them being considerate.

A staggering number of drivers don’t seem to understand this rule though, the amount of times I’ve had to dash back off the crossing because someone decided they can’t stop for 5 seconds is way higher than it should be!

Similar for me. I was told this repeatedly when I was younger, but all I heard was “If you get rich and successful then the wealth will corrupt your values”. I’d like to think I could keep my values if I became wealthy, because I know what it’s like to be homeless and hungry. But money does change people.