I can only imagine that the writers at The Onion are going insane because they just can’t compete with reality anymore.

Oh, they’re amazing. I really like Wisteria Floribunda. I feel like they compliment each other.

Treewave sounds like a fucking vibe.

Gotta get a trainer with a weighted dull plastic blade before you graduate to the real thing. Helps avoid this predicament.

Welp, I’ve got something new to watch over the extended weekend. I’m ready to love Leon.

Not in my area, according to this convenient banner ad.

Sauce?

Man, you guys really know how to kick a guy when he’s down. Time to grind for enough of a living to dissociate into the past! Goodbye cruel reality!

Bruh, start charging at a booth and never have to serve food again.

The state appreciates your sacrifice, comrade.

The first section made my nose bleed.

What in the everliving fuck is going on here?!

I showed you my stalk, pls respond.

Worse comes to worst, at least you’re contributing to your community. Plus, you can talk to your squadmates about mounts and pressure pads.

Fuck…

I hope they do an F-22 Raptor next. It’s my favorite.

Don’t threaten me with a good time.

This is why I only use Instagram through Firefox on my phone. A) Meta software ain’t getting installed on my device. 2) The Instagram app fucking melts iPhones.

What is this? A buttplug for wombats?