IF YOU DON’T RULE AND STONE, YOU AIN’T COMING HOME!

This is a quote from The Onion’s endorsement of Joe Biden for president, which was posted October 3, because it’s The Onion.

Technically correct is the best kind of correct.

Yeah, Tactical Breach Wizards has been in development since at least 2020. I was in the closed beta in 2022 and it was pretty great. They’ve finally announced the release date of August 22, and I’m excited.

Fallout narrator: “Trash…trash never changes.”

Is he, though? Duke Nukem is a huge fanboy. He can’t go give minutes without quoting some movie or other.

Relevant comic: https://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/comic/whos-to-say-duke-cant-have-hobbies

It’s not about money, it’s about sending a message.

“I’m telling you, Molotov cocktails work! Any time I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away I had a different problem.” -Jason Mendoza

Excuse me, but I am the rightful King of the Moon, so you could not possibly have ruled it.

Oh yeah? I’m gonna steal all ur megahertz by typing really fast!

From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine.

Your kind cling to your flesh, as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass that you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you.

But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal. Even in death I serve the Omnissiah.

Twelve yards long, two lanes wide, sixty-five tons of American pride. Canyonero! Canyonero!

Obviously someone with BEAST MODE activated.

Is that you, Strelok?

I understood that reference.

Her voice sounds exactly the same as Waluigi’s.

Own a musket for home defense, since that’s what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. “What the devil?” As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he’s dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it’s smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, “Tally ho lads” the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

Good bot

HAVE YOU TRIED CRANKING YOUR HOG?

I knew it! Parents “checking” the candy are just taking the good stuff for themselves.