What if the windows are just a part of what makes the car go. I’ve seen houses without windows, but a car without windows is inconceivable.

Admirable

Nobody is gonna get this reference, are they?

I don’t think cPTSD is specifically people who dissociate. It’s a bunch of different stuff.

Despite how I described it, at worst it really feels more like a mental illness, that genuinely causes me problems and at best it’s like a super advanced coping mechanism, and sometimes it really feels like I’m bullshititing people about it.

Although, it does have a weird connection with my gender I can’t entirely explain.

Maybe not that bad. I forgot things that weren’t that bad. I’m an expert at forgetting things.

when you’re dissociating your brain is kind of like in the “do not write information to disk, we’re dealing with a threat that you can’t escape, so remembering this isn’t useful for your survival” state, so when you recall a memory when that’s happening it fucks up at putting it back.

What I think it actually is, at least, I hypothesize, is caused by the same thing that causes lost memories, but on a much larger scale where so much of yourself is lost that you start to fragment into parts that stop making associations with other parts. That’s why it’s permanent once you reach the different people stage, because you have like partitioned your brain into these different states that struggle to interconnect well with each other, that can’t recall the other parts of you, and start developing divergent personalities to work around the parts that they can’t connect to. Also, your experiences stop affecting the whole cluster and start affecting the specific mode that is active more so than the ones that aren’t, so that contributes to the drifting apart.

Also I think (despite having no knowledge of psychology and only myself to go off of, so don’t agree with me) memories are lost because you dissociate while remembering them and that corrupts them, because whenever you remember something you kind of visualize / experience it again, but if you’re out of it and don’t re-live the experience when you access it, then it gets stored away as like a degraded version of itself with less clear details, and if you keep doing it, then all that’s left are like the emotional reactions that seem to come from nowhere at all. I think that’s also why in some people they distort into things totally different than what actually happened (I don’t think you can create “false traumatic memories”, though).

eh, maayybe. I think they’re more likely to stay masks in most people. They don’t really feel like masks, but they don’t feel like full people either, none of them, I do have behavior and elements of my personality that stays constant between them.

the Western Plain

I mean, I could think of it as different people, like most people like me seem to, but I fear in doing so it’d literally become so. I’m not sure I would like that, so I prefer to think of it as something like modes of the same person. Like brain electrical activity “waves” occupying the same medium, my frontal lobe, but doing so in distinct patterns at the same time, like electron orbitals.

Mine is so bad I have multiple versions of myself that take control of me and speak in the back of my mind.

It’s like I have the ability to time travel, but the kind where you only send your mind back and forward through time, like Steins; Gate rules. Except, it doesn’t erase the mind it jumps into, but co-inhabits it. Like my boymoder self, jumps forward into me, their future self who discovered they were trans. (This is exaggerated and a bending of the truth. I could describe it in other ways, but I kinda just wanted to get an excuse to talk about that, because it’s also a really cool story idea.) I’m a non-linear narrative.

you know, I’m not gonna do that unless I’m like prepared for the horrors. it’s probably just like mundane horror, though, probably.

so, it’s like an online thing. Well, that’s pretty obvious and didn’t need asking. It could be maybe achievable if we had some real opportunities for interacting with each other through actual activities like games and such that graduate into messaging people through their DMs.

I don’t think we should encourage doing it to like date people or form an unholy internet polycule, though, that sounds instinctively like a really bad idea, and probably against some kind of TOS. But friends, though!

I know I’m absorbed in the internet during most of my waking hours, but my real life is a hellish, traumatizing wasteland. (The experience of being trans in a car-dependant desolated city in an advanced state of capitalist alienation + severe trauma that I cannot realistically get the mental healthcare for or support here to deal with.)

I remember very little of my life. It’s like waking up from surgeries for short periods of time and experiencing little melancholic vignettes before going back under for unknown amounts of time. Laughing at stupid comments online in places like this is one of my only sources of joy.

Facing reality isn’t the solution to my situation, yet. I need sedation, and maybe then I can recover from my injuries enough to survive going through that process.

This is a joke. Maybe other people don’t feel this way.

Really, how’s that possible with being in unknown locations across the globe and all?

Idk, I think we better fact check again. Is it really true? Do you think other people genuinely relate to this post or do they want to relate to this post and act like this because the character depicted in the post is cute and they want to feel cute to alleviate dysphoria? Is the whole anime character act just a coping mechanism?

y’all are way too wound-up.

I’ve never been at a party.