Physics is a cruel mistress.

In this day and age I have no idea what is a joke or not.

I don’t think they had the logistics or project management skills to knock out a nut bottle in time for a party.

Oh-OH YEAH!? Well I can buy like…17 bananas right now!

In the grim darkness of the far future there is only Far Side comics.

I do like a good glug of the ol clear.

IRS: You haven’t filed your taxes in ten years.
Me: Yes, but…boobs.
IRS: Alright fair enough.

Run off syrup is for dipping later!

My old man says the government wants to put these in all kinds of vehicles to control us.

Sean Connery working at Subway.

Y U try to break my brain when it’s already broken!?

INTERESTED.

Those last three steps sound like something straight out of Mao’s Little Red Book, but the blooper reel.

Ask not for whom the lady jerks. She jerks for thee.

Only the most delectable cuts for my midnight sandwich.

BEHOLD. My girlfriend.

Bang me in flavortown!

A non-zero chance this dog is Lisan al Gaib.

I would like to subscribe to safety duck facts.

(Slow metal music intensifies)