• pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    4 months ago

    Honestly I’m more clueless about my sexuality than ever. I think I’m more attracted to women than men, but a healthy dose of gender envy makes that difficult to quantify. I kind of… just aren’t attracted to actual people by default? I kinda beat the ability to have romantic and sexual feelings towards people out of myself because trauma and depression, I kind of have to actually try to feel them. Because of that, it took me a really long time to realize my attraction to men. Well, that and gay porns never done anything for me (because I’m not gay, despite liking men. Gender identity stuff). I’m still sometimes afraid I’m not actually attracted to men and am just too damaged where relationships and intimacy with women are concerned and am desperate for another outlet for those desires. Realistically though, I have romantic feelings for a guy and enjoy having sex with him, and if that’s not attraction I don’t know what is. I’m definitely not ace, though, I’m a very sexual person, masturbating a ton and using dildos a ton. Things get more complicated though, my (few) sexual experiences with women/afab and fem presenting people have been pretty uncomfortable, but I think that’s a gender dysphoria using my dick thing, not a partners gender thing. Idfk, I’m a giant ball of overthinking and anxiety