That was… two days ago.

Nah

I still can’t tell if the original response thought I was actually calling Scooby Doo woke 😭

…the “kids” in question being Republicans.

It’s fine, I also respond like this.

Wow, Scooby Doo must be “woke” or whatever the kids say these days

And, naturally present in the human brain. It’s theorised to relate to the process of dreaming, and dying.

Where can I get one

DMT, entities known as “machine elves”. A friend wrote “have you heard of the high elves?” on a whiteboard in front of my room, and after using DMT and noticing the message, I made the obvious connection.

I mentioned in another reply that I feel generally more positive, but substances in particular have started to take a wholly different nature. They’ve felt better in a way that’s more euphoric, of course, but that’s not what I care about in this case. More interestingly, I’ve started to physically analyse my body, and highs are starting to feel like they’re specifically making me more self-accepting. Phantom limbs, in the form of breasts, and it feels natural.

Skin smoothing might be occurring. I’ve been feeling the tops of my cheeks, but it could be placebo. I don’t think it is. In my specific case, my skin was actually already great. People commented about it, is how it was.

Otherwise, my self view has started to shift, both in and out of altered states. The mind mattered already, thanks to my journeys, but now the body matters. I recognised my body before, of course, but now it’s as if my physical self has just popped into existence, and I’m feeling myself to help me adjust.

I wasn’t dysphoric prior, but I’m euphoric now. I predicted this, which is why I started, and it turns out it was a correct hunch. I… have a lot of those.

I was sort of berated constantly online (and offline… and everywhere…) for a time. I had a highly negative self image, and was on the verge of something worse than death–taking it out on everyone. DIY psychedelic therapy really helped me to understand and become accepting of myself. Do I recommend it? Hell no. It’s only if you want to, and you genuinely understand what you’re doing. For me, it seems to have turned out excellent. This understanding of myself helped me make a more informed decision regarding transitioning.

I don’t know where I’d be, had I not done what I did. I could have turned out an absolute asshole, could have had my thoughts repressed forever and not started HRT, I have no idea. I’m here, though, and surprisingly happy in life. To reiterate, I don’t indulge because I want to be happy, but because I am happy. Existing in this precious, tiny zone is what I consider to be the peak of my existence.

I share this story because I want to convey how many different ways there are to tackle an issue. Above all else, though, I want it to be made known that there’s no such thing as an unsolvable problem. And, of course, there’s the obvious connection between the trans experience, and the wider concept of self exploration. They’ve gone hand in hand for me.

My mind is healed. Now, the body. Then, finally, the world.

I would say stick to that for now. It’s not that long of a wait. If they still refuse, though, then I’d honestly say pursue DIY. Sometimes, you know what’s best for you.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

TLDR: You might want to consider doing some research, based on your current situation. E.g. if you’re on gel, see if injections might help. Also, blood work–don’t skip it! Personally, I’ve likely undergone such a drastic change due to the fact that being a psychonaut has made me significantly more perceptive and insightful.

You’ve made sure your hormone levels are actually at expected levels? It could be that your testosterone isn’t being suppressed. The only real way to be sure is a blood test. If levels are normal, it might just be taking its time. If not, you might want to try a different HRT solution.

I don’t know what you’re using, but if it’s injections, something’s up. Injections are highly reliable. If you’re not on a blocker, you might need one. Really picky stuff, HRT is.

As for me, though, I’ve got a bit of an unusual life situation which might explain the rapid, somewhat drastic psychological change.

I take a 2mg transdermal spray twice daily, with 50mg of bicalutamide. A noticeable bud developed within 2 weeks. This is normal. Mild euphoria is also present sometimes, which is also normal.

That’s not where it ends, though, and this is where my unusual life situation comes into play.

I am what is called a psychonaut. I use drugs for many reasons, including recreationally, but not out of desperation to feel better. I haven’t been truly depressed in a long time. It’s really just a fun thing to pass time–only a hobby, or something deeper, on occasion. I see it as a means of exploring the self, be it in the form of understanding my own thoughts, experiencing new tactile sensations, or seeing things that can’t be imagined. Every factor of existence, itself, as an art. Not only that, but I have an inherent desire to understand how the human body works.

It’s pretty self explanatory why this matters.

THC is the only substance I’ve used frequently since starting HRT. It seems to be amplifying the subtle changes happening to me chemically–it’s a megaphone. Makes sense, as it’s described as somewhat psychedelic. THC has started to become a significantly more euphoric experience in terms of thought and physicality. I’ve started to experience prominent phantom limbs in the form of boobs, which is new to me. I find myself reaching for them, feeling for them, and it feels euphoric to do so. I also try to feel them while sober. Besides feeling natural to do, I’ve also been told this is a way the body registers change. So, THC has gone from something that I use just for a boost, to providing deeper insight to my being–directly tying in to my HRT experience.

Like a microscope that looks in.

I’ve probably had such a night and day difference because I’ve been trained to understand myself as much as possible. Like I said, unusual. Still, my baseline just feels different, like a bunch of connections starting to develop, to allow me to experience more emotion and physical sensation. This isn’t unique to stoners. If this isn’t at least mildly present after 2+ months, something unusual might be happening. I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily a sign of ineffectiveness, but I’d still look into it.

But that’s it. Transdermal estradiol, and bicalutamide. I have no secrets. Sometimes, things that work in some people, don’t work in others. Spray could even end up ineffective for me, despite working at present (this is a reason why blood tests are so important). I just try to get as much accurate information and advice as possible, and go from there. HRT is a lot of patience, and a lot of determination.

Ending note: Being a psychonaut has made HRT remarkably easy to grasp. Isn’t being autistic great?

h

I have a confession, though. I have never played basketball in my life, barring the super rare court at a public park. I don’t even play with my friends when they do, sports are just not my thing. I played baseball when I was 12.

I purely enjoy this meme because my brain is soup. Also, there’s this trans safe space Discord I’m in that I left for a time, and they kept it going while I was gone. If you squint, it’s a basketb meme server, and not a trans server, and it’s all thanks to me.

Goodbye. Let’s basketb

What if it looked like shit

Everyone I know loves the basketb meme though, and I mean it’s been popular in every space I’ve shared it, without fail

Original

A bonus with this is that I’ve been struggling to eat for a bit, but HRT seems to be making me hungrier, so I’ll actually eat dinner now. I also need to anyway, because of this.

I genuinely don’t know

Me being transfem and suddenly using these more often because my brain hurts and my boobs hurt 😭