• djsoren19@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    4
    ·
    4 hours ago

    On the one hand, god yes I would love it

    on the other, I already kinda see 21 yr olds as children and ick now. so like, I imagine the top end of someone who could see me as attractive is what, 35? I mean that’s technically a woman who is older than me, but 35 is not an “older woman” like c’mon.

  • Z72.53@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    17
    ·
    10 hours ago

    I’m a 29 y/o woman and I have two 22 y/o friends who are into me, but it feels kinda wrong to even flirt with either of them. I know 7 years isn’t a huge gap, but I don’t really want to fill whatever caretaker/lover role they’re yearning for. They’re adults, but are just lacking a kind of independence and sense of direction that most people find in their late 20s.

    As it is, I already kinda take care of them and am their safe space whenever we go to parties or stuff. I don’t mind being the big sister in that way, but mixing stronger emotions or sex into that dynamic seems wrong.

    • CultLeader4Hire@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      9
      ·
      4 hours ago

      I’m 40 and while I’d never be in a committed relationship with someone who’s your age even, much less 22 if it was just sex, I don’t see why not. I wouldn’t pursue them because of said age gap but if they made it clear they were a consenting adult who was interested independent of my effort towards them… I’d be up for it

      I guess yeah, I wouldn’t take advantage but I would be willing to indulge someone

    • AbsolutelyClawless@piefed.social
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      3
      arrow-down
      5
      ·
      8 hours ago

      Yeah, that’s a very big age gap at that point in life. Most people in their early 20s still lack adult life experience, even if they’re legally adults.

      A friend of mine dated then married a girl who’s 4, almost 5 years younger than us. They started dating when she was 22, IIRC. She’s a bit… special… but even ignoring that it was always like dealing with an ignorant teenager or a petulant child. Such a huge turn-off. Dunno if she matured any over the last 6 years — sure hope so, for the sake of their future children — but considering all she does in life is travel and sit at home, I’m kind of doubtful. I guess trauma-bonding took over that relationship, because oof, nobody has ever had anything nice to say about her.

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        7
        ·
        7 hours ago

        A friend of mine dated then married a girl who’s 4, almost 5 years younger than us. They started dating when she was 22, IIRC. She’s a bit… special… but even ignoring that it was always like dealing with an ignorant teenager or a petulant child. Such a huge turn-off. Dunno if she matured any over the last 6 years — sure hope so, for the sake of their future children — but considering all she does in life is travel and sit at home, I’m kind of doubtful. I guess trauma-bonding took over that relationship, because oof, nobody has ever had anything nice to say about her.

        It’s a little funny that you acknowledge the age gap and that your friend is taking advantage of someone younger than themselves (in context of the larger conversation happening here), but then go on to blame the young person in the relationship for being a petulant child.

        • AbsolutelyClawless@piefed.social
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          45 minutes ago

          Yeah, I can see how it reads like that, considering what I replied to. But he in no way took advantage of her. He just tolerated her making a scene when things didn’t go her way. Which is what my comparison refers to. In hindsight, maybe it never was a young thing, but a her thing.

          • velma@sh.itjust.works
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            1
            ·
            33 minutes ago

            It’s also been 6 years since you’ve interacted with her according to your comment - 22-28 years old usually comes with a ton of personal changes - but you are still painting her like a petulant child that only travels and sits at home.

            Classy.

            • AbsolutelyClawless@piefed.social
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              1
              ·
              6 minutes ago

              No, we met up very recently. She hasn’t changed much. I don’t personally hang out with her much, but I do have second hand accounts from other friends that are around her more. And she does sit at home and travel, because she doesn’t (want to) work. Her spouse tried to get her to find a job, but eventually gave up. Which is fine, until she says something classist. Very classy of someone who doesn’t want to work 🤷🏻

    • Hugucinogens@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      7 hours ago

      I mean, yeah, that’s the point of kink. Doing play pretend versions of unsafe things, in an actually safe space.

      Not that you’re wrong to point it out, it’s very much not widely understood.

  • 2d4_bears@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    2
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    7 hours ago

    I have never once felt serious romantic interest in someone who wasn’t almost exactly my age. I guess I’ve always craved being equals in every way possible? I’m not trying to yuck other people’s yums, but I don’t see the appeal of age gaps personally.

      • 2d4_bears@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        3 hours ago

        Non-serious isn’t my style I guess. There’s nothing wrong with casual relationships, but they aren’t for me.

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        8
        ·
        7 hours ago

        I like to refer to Dan Savage’s Campsite Rule for any age gap relationships, serious or non-serious:

        In any relationship, but particularly those with a large difference of age or experience between the partners, the older or more experienced partner has the responsibility to leave the younger or less experienced partner in at least as good a state (emotionally and physically) as before the relationship. The “campsite rule” includes things like leaving the younger or less experienced partner with no STDs, no unwanted pregnancies, and not overburdening them with emotional and sexual baggage.[12]

        Source

  • erinyes (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    46
    ·
    17 hours ago
    <content warning: honest answer>

    as a woman old enough to have a problematic age gap with a consenting adult, it doesnt really feel like someone that much younger than me is really an adult yet. theres a depth of life experience thats missing that honestly makes it not that much fun even if theyre really enthusiastic. like, older women willing to take advantage of younger women arent likely to be the mature well adjusted women who will have mind blowing sex with you and teach you lots of stuff.

    • 𝙈𝙞𝙖@quokk.au
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      15
      ·
      13 hours ago

      Even the “half your age plus 7” nonsense feels creepy to me. Like a 26 year old has barely started living in many aspects.

      • erinyes (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        6
        ·
        9 hours ago

        yeah… a 26 year old feels too young and for me the cutoff is technically 24. if im being honest i dont think id want to date someone younger than 30.

        • velma@sh.itjust.works
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          9
          ·
          11 hours ago

          Totally understand, but the older women should know to either not take advantage or needs to be incredibly careful about fostering a healthy relationship. Personally, I can’t date down to a certain age, it just feels like I’ve got too much life experience to do so without being creepy.