I’m just saying that I find the trope/kink disgusting, its a massive turn off for me, for the reason I described.
In general, I’m all for kinks with guardrails and safewords and such for everybody, you do your thing.
However, I’m also allowed to have preferences and disprefences. If you or someone else is into calling people ‘daddy’, great, just please don’t do it around or to me, as it literally triggers a sympathetic PTSD reflex in me.
It isn’t ‘yucking somebodies yum’ to explain why I feel the way that I feel about a particular practice. At no point did I attack the broader idea of anyone engaging in this, I just explained why I don’t, and why I do not like it.
Also, the etymology of ‘daddy issues’ is not as clear cut as you seem to think it is. As with many kink/lgbtq+ terms, its complicated and complex and means somewhat different things to different people, and it’s had a meaning not directly stemming from totally ethical and safe kink.
‘Daddy issues’ quite literally does mean ‘behavioral tendencies that stem from an unhealthy relationship with one’s father.’
Its meant approximately that since long before it got the meaning you understand it as having, in an ethical and consensual and healthy caregiver kink/dynamic.
I do not use the term as a flippant expression of annoyance, I use it with grave seriousness.
Its wild to me that you see my usage of the term as lightly misogynistic, when I’ve pretty well described that my dislike of this kink/trope comes from immense sympathy and empathy from a girl I personally knew as a childhood friend, who was horrifically abused.
Thanks for explaining, I still don’t totally agree with you in terms of “daddy issues” but yeah the rest of the issue is fair especially after the edit
“Daddy issues” isn’t a kink term, and entirely refers to having a poor relationship with one’s father. I think you mayhe misread their comment as claiming it was a kink term?
The whole disagreement is that they think its lightly misogynistic to say that the only reason to engage in CG/l, or diluted versions of it like calling your partner daddy during sex, is because you had a bad relation with your father. In other words, using the term “daddy issues” at all was the issue, and you doubled down in this comment.
… There are tons of women with legitimate daddy issues or other kinds of history of sexual abuse who also insist on using the phrase ‘daddy’ to refer to their male partner during sex.
These things are intertwined, to the point that you can often correctly infer that a woman has daddy issues, has a traumatic sexual history, when she keeps calling you daddy, unprompted.
This is what I was talking about, untill it was determined that I am apparently a misogynist for talking about this.
I’ve known a pretty good deal of straight women where this is the case.
I’ve also been just platonic friends with a good deal of women, girls, I was friends with, and then I was also friends with their boyfriends, where the girl using ‘daddy’ in sex led to the boyfriend asking me if she’d had something fucked up about her family life, and me basically saying ‘not my place to tell you.’
Yeah, I’m doubling down against using ‘daddy’ during sex, unprompted, because in my experience, it very often indicates that that woman has been abused/groomed, and that I do not like the broad normalization of this.
I’m getting angry and emotional just writing this, as this brings up all the memories of female friends of mine I’ve just held while they cried, sometimes without explaining to me why, sometimes with me learning why, years later, in the roundabout fashion I described above.
Again, if its your kink to totally mutually consensually call people ‘daddy’ during sex, and your partner is into that, great, wonderful, go bananas.
Don’t do that near me, don’t show it to me, because it triggers a literally visceral series of traumatic memories within me, that I have because I was the person the abused girls cried with, the one they sought out to be consoled by.
Perhaps you can understand how my perference that ultimately derive from vivid memories of consoling female abuse victims … itself being described as misogynistic… is enrgaging.
Might I suggest a therapist? Because this is not a healthy reaction to something that doesn’t affect you whatsoever. What other people do in their own relationships has zero effect on you. And if it does, if what people call each other in their relationships offends you, that’s 100% a you problem. Your need to shoehorn yourself into someone elses life because you are uncomfortable about something has literally nothing to do with anyone but you.
Perhaps you can understand how my perference
YOUR PREFERENCE! YOURS! Not someone elses. Not anyone elses. YOURS. Just stop right there. No one is forcing you or any partner to call you Daddy. No one is suggesting you have to use it. The alphabet mafia is not putting a gun to your head. But your continued ranting about this and how it affects you, you should really seek some professional help.
You are in fact being misogynistic. You’re telling women what they are or aren’t allowed to say because it makes YOU uncomfortable. Not your partners, not anyone consenting in any kind of language, you’re literally saying women using it is wrong.
That’s misogynistic.
It’s not your job to tell others what they can and can’t use. My partner calls me “puppy”. Do you think they actually think I’m a dog they want to fuck? You’re not misogynistic for talking about it, expressing how it makes you feel, and the trauma with your friend. It’s misogynistic that you are going on tangents telling people that they shouldn’t use it because it makes you uncomfortable, which apparently your feelings are more important than anyone elses.
You’re 100% in your right to not want it used around you. That’s completely fine and acceptable. But you can’t come onto the Internet and tell people not to use it, actively INSERTING yourself into the language just so you can be offended by it. You can leave the thread. You can block users. You can just LEAVE. But you are intentionally inserting yourself into this just to tell others that it hurts your feelings.
She already did. You’re making it into daddy issues or inappropriateness when it’s entirely not that at all.
Just because YOU attribute malice to it doesn’t make it so. Your inability to separate the two is a you problem, not a kink or a sub/dom problem. And the fact you went on a whole tangent about how you feel it means makes you part of the problem of perpetuating something that just isn’t true.
The fact you felt the need to ramble on about what you think the term means or is derived from, when it was already explained to you that it isn’t that… You’re part of the problem.
I’m sorry that happened to your friend. But it isnt up to you how the word is used by consenting couples. You can totally not want it used around you, and that’s up to you and your partner. You don’t get to tell others not only that they can’t use it, but to say it’s something it isn’t, which is daddy issues.
I’m just saying that I find the trope/kink disgusting, its a massive turn off for me, for the reason I described.
In general, I’m all for kinks with guardrails and safewords and such for everybody, you do your thing.
However, I’m also allowed to have preferences and disprefences. If you or someone else is into calling people ‘daddy’, great, just please don’t do it around or to me, as it literally triggers a sympathetic PTSD reflex in me.
It isn’t ‘yucking somebodies yum’ to explain why I feel the way that I feel about a particular practice. At no point did I attack the broader idea of anyone engaging in this, I just explained why I don’t, and why I do not like it.
Also, the etymology of ‘daddy issues’ is not as clear cut as you seem to think it is. As with many kink/lgbtq+ terms, its complicated and complex and means somewhat different things to different people, and it’s had a meaning not directly stemming from totally ethical and safe kink.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/daddy_issues
‘Daddy issues’ quite literally does mean ‘behavioral tendencies that stem from an unhealthy relationship with one’s father.’
Its meant approximately that since long before it got the meaning you understand it as having, in an ethical and consensual and healthy caregiver kink/dynamic.
I do not use the term as a flippant expression of annoyance, I use it with grave seriousness.
Its wild to me that you see my usage of the term as lightly misogynistic, when I’ve pretty well described that my dislike of this kink/trope comes from immense sympathy and empathy from a girl I personally knew as a childhood friend, who was horrifically abused.
Thanks for explaining, I still don’t totally agree with you in terms of “daddy issues” but yeah the rest of the issue is fair especially after the edit
“Daddy issues” isn’t a kink term, and entirely refers to having a poor relationship with one’s father. I think you mayhe misread their comment as claiming it was a kink term?
The whole disagreement is that they think its lightly misogynistic to say that the only reason to engage in CG/l, or diluted versions of it like calling your partner daddy during sex, is because you had a bad relation with your father. In other words, using the term “daddy issues” at all was the issue, and you doubled down in this comment.
… There are tons of women with legitimate daddy issues or other kinds of history of sexual abuse who also insist on using the phrase ‘daddy’ to refer to their male partner during sex.
These things are intertwined, to the point that you can often correctly infer that a woman has daddy issues, has a traumatic sexual history, when she keeps calling you daddy, unprompted.
This is what I was talking about, untill it was determined that I am apparently a misogynist for talking about this.
I’ve known a pretty good deal of straight women where this is the case.
I’ve also been just platonic friends with a good deal of women, girls, I was friends with, and then I was also friends with their boyfriends, where the girl using ‘daddy’ in sex led to the boyfriend asking me if she’d had something fucked up about her family life, and me basically saying ‘not my place to tell you.’
Yeah, I’m doubling down against using ‘daddy’ during sex, unprompted, because in my experience, it very often indicates that that woman has been abused/groomed, and that I do not like the broad normalization of this.
I’m getting angry and emotional just writing this, as this brings up all the memories of female friends of mine I’ve just held while they cried, sometimes without explaining to me why, sometimes with me learning why, years later, in the roundabout fashion I described above.
Again, if its your kink to totally mutually consensually call people ‘daddy’ during sex, and your partner is into that, great, wonderful, go bananas.
Don’t do that near me, don’t show it to me, because it triggers a literally visceral series of traumatic memories within me, that I have because I was the person the abused girls cried with, the one they sought out to be consoled by.
Perhaps you can understand how my perference that ultimately derive from vivid memories of consoling female abuse victims … itself being described as misogynistic… is enrgaging.
Holy fuck, you’re still going on with this?
Might I suggest a therapist? Because this is not a healthy reaction to something that doesn’t affect you whatsoever. What other people do in their own relationships has zero effect on you. And if it does, if what people call each other in their relationships offends you, that’s 100% a you problem. Your need to shoehorn yourself into someone elses life because you are uncomfortable about something has literally nothing to do with anyone but you.
YOUR PREFERENCE! YOURS! Not someone elses. Not anyone elses. YOURS. Just stop right there. No one is forcing you or any partner to call you Daddy. No one is suggesting you have to use it. The alphabet mafia is not putting a gun to your head. But your continued ranting about this and how it affects you, you should really seek some professional help.
You are in fact being misogynistic. You’re telling women what they are or aren’t allowed to say because it makes YOU uncomfortable. Not your partners, not anyone consenting in any kind of language, you’re literally saying women using it is wrong.
That’s misogynistic.
It’s not your job to tell others what they can and can’t use. My partner calls me “puppy”. Do you think they actually think I’m a dog they want to fuck? You’re not misogynistic for talking about it, expressing how it makes you feel, and the trauma with your friend. It’s misogynistic that you are going on tangents telling people that they shouldn’t use it because it makes you uncomfortable, which apparently your feelings are more important than anyone elses.
You’re 100% in your right to not want it used around you. That’s completely fine and acceptable. But you can’t come onto the Internet and tell people not to use it, actively INSERTING yourself into the language just so you can be offended by it. You can leave the thread. You can block users. You can just LEAVE. But you are intentionally inserting yourself into this just to tell others that it hurts your feelings.
You’re literally part of the problem and you’re not even realizing it.
Then explain it to me.
She already did. You’re making it into daddy issues or inappropriateness when it’s entirely not that at all.
Just because YOU attribute malice to it doesn’t make it so. Your inability to separate the two is a you problem, not a kink or a sub/dom problem. And the fact you went on a whole tangent about how you feel it means makes you part of the problem of perpetuating something that just isn’t true.
The fact you felt the need to ramble on about what you think the term means or is derived from, when it was already explained to you that it isn’t that… You’re part of the problem.
I’m sorry that happened to your friend. But it isnt up to you how the word is used by consenting couples. You can totally not want it used around you, and that’s up to you and your partner. You don’t get to tell others not only that they can’t use it, but to say it’s something it isn’t, which is daddy issues.