Oh my god 😭
I can’t say I was ever short, but this is kinda totally my case…

very TMI, Miisha loredump

I used to think I was into girls…sorta. From 12 until like 15 years old, I honestly believed that. Not that I was attracted to them, but rather I envied them (I know that now, lol). Still, I felt like liking girls was the “correct” thing to do. My mom sure wanted me to get a gf. Every single guy around me was talking about their attraction to girls. And I just thought I had to…

I asked a couple of them out. Or, I tried to. It never really worked. I think they kinda hated me, cause I was a textbook nerdy incel, lol. Never wore glasses tho…
It was so bad that I was only friends with like one or two girls. And I can’t blame them, I was fucking awful at the time…

But then, when I was about 15 years old, I started purposefully building a yaoi collection in my free time. It’s a massive folder now, even tho I no longer use it. It was summer and me and my best friend at the time decided to play truth or dare. Playing a cheap CSGO clone on our phones, we decided the winner tops the loser. And well…I lost completely on purpose.

And that was my first time, ever. With a guy, nonetheless. At 15, with my “best friend”. It wasn’t special, there was no fanfare, it was just a stupid dare we thought would be funny. Today, I know the guy is a bigoted, hateful asshole who’s dating a TERF and they both hate my guts for being trans, but it was…an experience.

And after that, I completely gave up on forcing myself to like girls. I finally admitted to myself that I like men and men only. I started being much more comfortable in their presence, I started noticing them more and I started…fantisizing…about them, about sleeping with them.

And ofc, years later I met my lovely boyfriend and I started HRT, meaning the progesterone makes me want nothing more than to be pinned down and take men’s cocks, over and over and over again until I can’t walk straight 😂

But yeah…I still remember my first time. And I just wish it could’ve been on HRT already, so that it would have been more special. And I also kinda wish it would’ve been with a person that doesn’t hate my existence :P

  • TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zoneMEnglish
    1·
    39 minutes ago
    Honestly...

    I’m kinda jelly that you got an experience like that, and not just because that’s such a juicy situation. That sort of wake-up call just isn’t something I ever got. I stumbled around for years, at first not realizing that I wasn’t actually “correct,” then not being sure if it was actually real. I never got a single opportunity to experience femininity and barely got to explore my attraction to men. Being really into women only made it more difficult, as it helped me keep up the delusion that I was just a basic cishet. If I actually got an opportunity to experiment like that without immediately needing to acknowledge that it wasn’t so normal, maybe I could’ve started my journey of self discovery sooner.

    Then again, I literally admitted that I wanted to fuck my friend and somehow didn’t realize I liked him until years later, so maybe it wouldn’t have actually helped my clueless ass.

  • ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.orgEnglish
    8·
    13 hours ago

    Some incels say they’ll transition out of spite: if women can get laid so easily, why not use estrogen to escape their predicament?

    (I’m not an incel btw, and IDK about documented cases of them doing it but they do talk about it)

    • ShadowOfMiisha (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      9·
      12 hours ago

      Wow. There’s so much wrong with that logic…

      I won’t deny that when men are attracted to you, you can have sex pretty easily (I think? in my mind, there are tons of desperate, sexually frustrated men). I mean fuck, if I wanted, I could have as many dick pics as I wanted to, lol

      Still, I don’t think that’s a “being a woman” thing. And that logic is just all kinds of messed up…just sounds like misogyny to me :P

      • ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.orgEnglish
        8·
        11 hours ago

        misogyny

        yeah, the “f” in “incel” stands for “feminist”. Good that you can identify what makes them creepy, use this to be safe

      • Seralth@piefed.seralth.comEnglish
        5·
        12 hours ago

        It’s easier to get laid when you seek out men. Nine times out of ten those are also the “don’t stick your dick in crazy” type of men that are best avoided.

        So the logic isn’t entirely wrong it’s just missing a lot of wisdom.

        • TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zoneMEnglish
          1·
          1 hour ago

          Exactly. They can simply have casual hookups with men without having to transition. Unfortunately for them, they’re cowards who can’t break out of comphet and actually enjoy themselves.

  • Gonzako@lemmy.worldEnglish
    7·
    14 hours ago

    Aw what a story.

    Edit.: Having such posts around is very uplifting. It’s so rare I actually see men being appreciated.

    • ShadowOfMiisha (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      4·
      10 hours ago

      Wait…rare to see men being appreciated? Have you…been paying attention to any of my posts?? 😂😂😂

      I honestly doubt that there’s anyone on Lemmy who loves men as much as I do. Teehee :3

      • Gonzako@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        3 hours ago

        Oh, yeah, no worries. It’s just hard to grow out of a world that constantly tells you that men are the worst through performative misandry.