You love to see it

  • ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    145
    arrow-down
    2
    ·
    edit-2
    1 day ago

    Fun fact: choking during sex is the second most common cause of stroke in women under 40. Source.

    When you cut off blood supply to the brain you start damaging it real fast. There are studies measuring blood biomarkers of neural injury and inflammation in women who report being chocked during sex and it’s clear that choking causes brain damage. According do experts there’s no safe way to do it. It’s just another disturbing, violent trend popularized by porn.

    • ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      14 hours ago

      Yeah if you’re actually choking your partner you’re doing it wrong

      Lightly squeezing someone’s throat during sex is choking only in name. You’re not supposed to full on choke them out.

    • Notyou@sopuli.xyz
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      90
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      1 day ago

      Thankfully my wife is over 40, so it looks like we dodged that bullet.

      • Cypher@aussie.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        2 hours ago

        I can’t find a source that verifies your claim.

        You might be thinking of the ban on strangulation in porn that was passed in the UK recently?

    • Squirrelanna@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      20
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      1 day ago

      Why does it have to be about violence and porn? Talk about the dangers all you want but that shit just genuinely feels like crack. You get flooded with brain chemicals that feel euphoric. Focus on the important bits about the risks rather than applying stupid moral judgements.

      • itsjustachairmary@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        11
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        19 hours ago

        Ok but you do realize how comparing it to crack is not helping here right

        Like I’m more than happy to also warn people to stay tf away from crack lol

        • Squirrelanna@lemmy.blahaj.zone
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          8 hours ago

          I’m not disagreeing that it’s dangerous, I’m saying the moralizing is unnecessary and pointless when it has real, addictive effects to focus on instead.

    • velma@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      26
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      1 day ago

      Thank you for speaking up and posting this source. I know you and I haven’t historically gotten on well, but I fully agree with you here.

    • okwhateverdude@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      23
      ·
      1 day ago

      The euphoria is from the hypoxia, I think. In which case, a similar high could be had by scheduling sexy times in an oxygen tent mountain climbers and endurance athletes use for training.

      • ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        33
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        edit-2
        1 day ago

        It has nothing to do with euphoria. From the source:

        In 2021, a research team led by Debby Herbenick, provost professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health, interviewed 24 women aged 18 to 33 in depth about their experiences of strangulation during sex. Although, for most, their first experience had involved no prior discussion – including one who was having sex for the first time – the majority now viewed it as “routine and regular”. All believed it was safe, despite experiencing many physical reactions, including coughing, gasping, difficulty swallowing and breathing and vision changes. Some said they accepted being choked for their partner’s pleasure, even though they didn’t personally find it arousing. Others did enjoy it and sought it out as “adventurous” and “exciting”.

        The paper notes that historically, autoerotic asphyxiation is rare among women and adds, “It is curious how sexual asphyxiation, which has long been described as predominantly engaged in by/for men’s arousal, has become so frequently enacted by men on women partners.”

        Bows makes the same point. “What’s not being talked about is that this is happening overwhelmingly to women by men. If you accept what people will argue – that this is an activity that’s enjoyed because it’s ‘sensual’ – then why aren’t men the recipients more often? To me, it’s just another way we’ve culturally legitimised men harming women.”


        It just keeps going like that. It’s really wroth reading.

        • protist@retrofed.com
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          17
          arrow-down
          4
          ·
          1 day ago

          “then why aren’t men the recipients more often?”

          I’d be interested to know the source on this, because I know plenty men who are into this. Even in the paragraph prior it states, “sexual asphyxiation, which has long been described as predominantly engaged in by/for men’s arousal.”

          That said, full consent and knowledge about the potential long-term physical harm are absolutely critical

          • ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            16
            arrow-down
            3
            ·
            edit-2
            1 day ago

            It says “The paper notes that historically, autoerotic asphyxiation is rare among women”. So it seams to suggest that before choking your partner became common it was mostly men to chocked themselves while masturbating. Now it’s mostly men that choke women. It doesn’t say it doesn’t happen to men, just that women were not into it before and now it happens to them more.

          • velma@sh.itjust.works
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            7
            arrow-down
            2
            ·
            1 day ago

            In 2021, a research team led by Debby Herbenick, provost professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health, interviewed 24 women aged 18 to 33 in depth about their experiences of strangulation during sex. Although, for most, their first experience had involved no prior discussion – including one who was having sex for the first time – the majority now viewed it as “routine and regular”. All believed it was safe, despite experiencing many physical reactions, including coughing, gasping, difficulty swallowing and breathing and vision changes. Some said they accepted being choked for their partner’s pleasure, even though they didn’t personally find it arousing. Others did enjoy it and sought it out as “adventurous” and “exciting”.

            The paper notes that historically, autoerotic asphyxiation is rare among women and adds, “It is curious how sexual asphyxiation, which has long been described as predominantly engaged in by/for men’s arousal, has become so frequently enacted by men on women partners.”

            Bows makes the same point. “What’s not being talked about is that this is happening overwhelmingly to women by men. If you accept what people will argue – that this is an activity that’s enjoyed because it’s ‘sensual’ – then why aren’t men the recipients more often? To me, it’s just another way we’ve culturally legitimised men harming women.”

            Here is the Guardian article that ExLisper already linked.

            Here is the paper that the Guardian references.

            • basiclemmon98@lemmy.dbzer0.com
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              7
              arrow-down
              3
              ·
              1 day ago

              I get what your saying, but I think a lot of women do enjoy it for MANY different reasons, most unhealthy. I am one who enjoys it, so there is that-

              • velma@sh.itjust.works
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                5
                arrow-down
                1
                ·
                1 day ago

                No one is saying that there’s no women that enjoy choking. I still wouldn’t say it’s a lot of women.

            • protist@retrofed.com
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              4
              arrow-down
              1
              ·
              1 day ago

              I don’t understand why you’re quoting the same thing to me that I responded to?

              • velma@sh.itjust.works
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                5
                arrow-down
                1
                ·
                1 day ago

                I put the links under the quote to both the article and the original paper.

                You asked for the sources.

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        10
        arrow-down
        6
        ·
        edit-2
        1 day ago

        It’s like any other risky behavior - there’s still a risk, but ultimately it’s up to you if you want to risk death in pursuit of orgasm.

        Haha people get so pissy about reality - I’m a domme and engage in some choking, but have strict rules around it. It is silly to pretend there’s 0 risk to choking. Be informed and get consent.

        • SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          7
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          1 day ago

          Just a little throat clenching, not enough to get fuzzy, just enough to make breathing a bit harder, and to remind me that I’m her property

    • gandalf_die_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      7
      arrow-down
      7
      ·
      1 day ago

      maybe some people like having their brain shut off somewhat, and that’s actually the entire point? maybe not everyone likes being hyper-aware of everything all the time?

      • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        6
        ·
        17 hours ago

        Within kink it you aren’t learning the basics of the risks of something before doing it you aren’t following either of the dominant models of how to properly engage. Safe Sane and Consensual demands you learn enough to confirm something is safe (most people consider choking incompatible with this model). Meanwhile Risk Aware Consensual Kink demands you make yourself aware of the risks before consenting.

        I get wanting to turn your brain off. I love subspace in part because it shuts my brain off. But going into something in kink without doing your due diligence is how you risk getting seriously injured. I play with fire and electricity, but consider choking too dangerous for me.

        If I found out someone who told me they had plenty of experience bottoming for electricity (and thus I didn’t give the safety spiel) didn’t understand that it can fuck with implanted electronics and can be fatal to people with pacemakers (very basic safety knowledge for estim), it’s unlikely they’d ever be able to convince me to play with them again. I’d just consider them to be too reckless.

        BDSM is dangerous at times. It’s fun as all hell, I fucking love it, but it has dangers. You need to use your brain first so you can decide how you’re comfortable turning it off.

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        26
        arrow-down
        2
        ·
        1 day ago

        Liking it doesn’t take away the risk. There’s a lot of things we do in life that have risk, but we still do them for various reasons.

        By all means, enjoy the thrill! But educate yourself and be aware that there is no completely safe way to choke or be choked. And of course always get consent.

        • dropdrip@lemmy.ml
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          6
          ·
          19 hours ago

          From what I’m reading there’s no “risk” involved: it’s just harmful. Risk implies it can be done without any harm, but harm is more likely than not. Smoking cigarettes isn’t risky behaviour it’s harmful behaviour.

        • Shayeta@feddit.org
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          1 day ago

          I believe their question was WHY do people enjoy it. Which I’m also curious about.

          • Squirrelanna@lemmy.blahaj.zone
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            1
            ·
            8 hours ago

            A couple of reasons. First, from a submissive perspective, it’s a really vulnerable point of the body that can be used to wrest away control. You don’t even need to choke for that feeling. If you don’t understand why the feeling of helplessness can be sexy, you just won’t get this one. Second, there’s a chemical induced euphoria that happens during the act of choking and explodes immediately after that, at least for me, is comparable to an orgasm but NOT an orgasm. It’s especially potent the moment you stop throttling the blood flow to your brain.

            The thing is, choking isn’t about cutting off the air flow. Doing that by hand sucks so bad and HURTS. The pleasure comes from pressure on the artery and it happens quick.

          • velma@sh.itjust.works
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            12
            arrow-down
            2
            ·
            1 day ago

            My comment still stands. Some people like it, whether it’s because of porn or not, but it’s really important to know that it is never safe to do.

          • dropdrip@lemmy.ml
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            2
            arrow-down
            2
            ·
            19 hours ago

            I don’t think people do. The behaviour probably stems from a desire/need to satisfy their partner. Pavlovian conditioning probably plays a role too.