yeah just ran into this texting an ex recently. we were together for almost 5 years, but i didnt learn i was neurodivergent or trans or kinda aro and very nonmonogamous until years after we broke up. ive been through years of therapy and self discovery at this point and shes still operating on memories of a maladjusted egg doing her best man impression (badly) and being kind of shitty about it.
i made an offhand comment that triggered some of the trauma i left her with, which made her type a long text reminding me of how i was shitty to her. it was kind of surreal because it was based on what i know now to be really shitty and toxic assumptions about my motivations and intentions, and the person who did those things to her is dead at this point.
i thought i would feel bad but i just kind of felt sad that shes still carrying that stuff around with her… not that ive put down all the baggage she left me with but still, it seemed almost fresh to her even after all these years.
Someone once said to me “You shouldn’t make everyone your enemy but you will make a few without trying to. You should be friendly with everyone but not appease them in exchange of yourself. And try to finish your life with more friends than enemies.”
yeah just ran into this texting an ex recently. we were together for almost 5 years, but i didnt learn i was neurodivergent or trans or kinda aro and very nonmonogamous until years after we broke up. ive been through years of therapy and self discovery at this point and shes still operating on memories of a maladjusted egg doing her best man impression (badly) and being kind of shitty about it.
i made an offhand comment that triggered some of the trauma i left her with, which made her type a long text reminding me of how i was shitty to her. it was kind of surreal because it was based on what i know now to be really shitty and toxic assumptions about my motivations and intentions, and the person who did those things to her is dead at this point.
i thought i would feel bad but i just kind of felt sad that shes still carrying that stuff around with her… not that ive put down all the baggage she left me with but still, it seemed almost fresh to her even after all these years.
Someone once said to me “You shouldn’t make everyone your enemy but you will make a few without trying to. You should be friendly with everyone but not appease them in exchange of yourself. And try to finish your life with more friends than enemies.”
That was my reaction as well