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Why don’t churches have Wi-Fi?
Tap for spoiler
They don’t want competition from an invisible power that actually does things.
People have the Bible on their phones? Like, this is a pretty common thing. Also note-taking apps.
Ok but why is your church in the conference room of a Holiday Inn?
I dont know if its the holiday inn, but its definitely in Texas based on the doublewide chairs
Ok who wants church stories because I got some?
I’m listening…
they must be in church at the moment
What if I’m using it to ask my AI priest about acceptable fluids to baptize children in?
Maybe Jesus would have commanded John the Baptist to baptise him in Gatorade if Gatorade had existed. Then again, could the Son of God not have turned the water into Gatorade if he so desired? Then again, being baptised in Gatorade is not expressly prohibited.
Wait, maybe Jesus would be more if a Powerade guy. Did I just commit heresy?
I has what original sin craves.
Brought to you by God’s Jr.
It’s got electrolytes!
Acolytes*
I mean, was the gatorade made of holy water?
Is Powerade okay?
Do you want schisms? 'Cause that’s how you get schisms!
Should be fine, but I’m out of tokens so you’ll have to wait until tomorrow if you don’t want to risk condemning your baby to an eternity in hell because you used the wrong sports drink.
I wonder what “Father Justin” was demoted to… Creepy Uncle Justin? Altar
BoyMan Justin? Baptismal Font Justin?How else would they baptize in Florida?
Fuck this wave, it’s a SIN!
Ace of Base saw it
And it opened up their eyes
deleted by creator
This reminded me of a time (at the Peak of ISIS’s Bullshit) when someone came into a Mosque to Pray and had the cops called on him because he A) Had never been to this Mosque before and B) was reading the Quran on his phone and the Imam was worried he might be a terrorist.
That’s not church, that’s a corporate seminar
What’s the difference these days?
Moral licensing, in one photo.
Michelle is judging (Matthew 7:1-5). She doesn’t know if 📱holder is reading the bible, or setting up a ministry.
Not to mention, Jesus wasn’t too much of a fan of hypocrites.
“Hey ChatGPT, I don’t like my current ministry, let’s create a new one. It needs to be low effort but also financially beneficial for me.”
Ministry here meaning evangelical pursuits, but sure, that works too🤣
The Church of ScientAilogy
Weg met je reddit, vriend.
